Irked

Recently it has come to my attention that a select few women have taken it upon themselves to critique my life. Great, except they are not sharing that critique with the one person to whom this life matters: ME. Not that I would listen or care anyway, which is probably why they have chosen to take this to the level of gossip and hearsay, otherwise known in my realm as GARBAGE.

My life (the topic at hand) is by no means perfect by anyone's standards. Whose is? ;) I'm happy with the way it's shaping up, all things considered. I don't complain about it much. I can't say I'm content or comfortable because there is still a lot of work to be done and changes to be made. I feel as though I am ensconced in my chrysalis, doing much needed work to transform self into that whole and final being that will carry on. Truth is, I may have to re-enter this chrysalis stage many, many times before I finally get it right. This acknowledgement of the un-perfect life is exactly that: an acknowledgement. I'm comfortable with change most of the time. LOL

I don't spend much time comparing what I have against what others have. I spend even less time trying to be like others or fit into a mold that is usually predetermined by the media. I do what I feel is right, I participate in what I feel is worthy, and I try not to get too hung up in the particulars. The bigger picture is where I like to set my gaze, asking myself constantly if this or that will matter in five, ten, twenty years. Most of the time the answer is "no".

I could address what is being said about me, but as I stated, it really doesn't matter. The part that bothers me is that we have grown women from their late twenties to early forties talking negatively about each other, behind backs. This is not unlike the behavior most of us had in middle school, before we knew better! I absolutely cannot understand how we can tear each other up instead of supporting one another and offering words of kindness and encouragement, not just to the person, but to others as well. The only thing I am thinking when I hear a woman talk about another woman behind her back is, "What does she say about me when I'm not around?" They spit the meanest things out of their mouths and may even call this woman their FRIEND. Why not just be real and eliminate this person from your circle if you don't care much for them? People change and evolve and the relationships and attachments these people have will also change and evolve. Losing and gaining friendships are part of this natural process of growth, but it's like leaving an employer: you don't want to burn your bridges because you have may have to pass through here again. So tell the truth and put in the proper prospective rather than chin and grin and be less than genuine with yourself and others.

I wonder to myself why these women would not just say to me, "Look, I don't really like who you are and I don't want to have any further relationship with you." I would be fine with that. Why? Because they are entitled to their opinion! I no longer fit into many of the cookie cutter stereotypes that I used to. It's understandable that my past friends who are still spinning their wheels on that track might not have anything in common with me anymore. It's OK. Really. My feelings will not be hurt. If anything they should know that I am direct and honest and appreciate the same from others.

Things such as clubbing, a cute outfit, being sexy, looking like a video chick, consuming mass amounts of liquor, a pair of new sneakers, or being fly at all times don't really appeal to me much anymore. I have my sights set a little higher. Don't get me wrong, I still drool over shoes and clothes, but they are more like handmade skirts and embellished kung-fu shoes than something I saw on a BET video. My jewelery is less heavy metal and more lampwork beads, although I'll never give up my big hoops! I spend more time reading and less time in the club trying to see who will notice that my ass looks good in my Seven jeans. There are things from that life that will never leave me, like carrying a Sharpie everywhere I go or my penchant for colorful sneakers and odd t-shirts. But I have bigger goals now and that is to turn out five well rounded individuals who also happen to have my eyes onto society and to leave behind a legacy that they will be proud to call their own.

I came from the ghetto, I don't dwell there. I raised myself first so I could raise these Stars to be the best. I love and support even when I don't agree because sometimes I need that myself. I let you be you without criticism because that is who you are supposed to be and when you need the helping hand to make changes I'll be there for that too. I use my hurt, dissatisfaction, and my anger as a propellant, not as an excuse.

In the words of Nicole (not sure if she wants her name out there like that), "Elevation is my position!" If you're not in line with that, please step aside, I have things to do.